Testimonials

Sandy Nathan
Community Impact Manager
Eastside Pathways

The UW Nurse-Midwifery and Women’s Health Clinical Nurse Specialist programs undertook a truth and reconciliation process in 2020-2022 to address harms that impacted former and current students in our program. The final report describing the process and outcomes from this process are available here.

University of Washington, Doctor of Nursing Practice (DNP) program

This NVC training series has shifted how I facilitate meetings. In the past, for the sake of time, I might not get curious about an underlying need that I heard spoken, I am not sure about, or that was perhaps not communicated clearly, or I don’t understand. Now, I stop and inquire further, and my experience is that the whole team is able to breathe a sigh of relief after the issue is addressed. Thank you!

Susan Atkinson

Daylen Gonzales
Program Manager
Life Transitions

by KC Young & Erin Fried, 1-yr NVC/RJ Mentorship Program participants

[top - bottom] Alan Splitter, Zach Wilkinson & Kari Ingalls
Tidal Vision

I appreciate how Pam is able to hold an intentional space with care and compassion. She demonstrates this by pausing the conversation to offer reflection without judgement, opportunity for individualized and group learning, and models vulnerability through curiosity of her own impact on others in the moment.

Jason Puracal
Executive Director
East Shore Unitarian Church

I think it is only appropriate for me to speak of Pam’s impact upon me, and not upon the Board. Through our work, I have gained a better appreciation of the difficulty of inclusion – where all voices are both heard and matter. I have become more aware of the need to proactively solicit input from those who may feel less safe speaking up, and that an environment that I feel is safe may not feel safe for others. I have also learned to take time and not rush to action.

Dennis Fleck
Board President
East Shore Unitarian Church

Pam Orbach is a skilled facilitator who is able to build trust amongst participants in ways that do not erase or set aside power dynamics, but rather holds them up to gentle examination. Working with her in our faith community (ESUC) has allowed us to have conversations and connection that have brought greater understanding of the ways that unexamined privilege and power can be transformed to hold the needs of everyone. In working with Pam, I've grown as a person. I better understand the strategies that I have used to maneuver through the world and how they sometimes do not serve to bring about the liberation I'm seeking. She is a gentle truth teller, a teacher, and a compassionate human being who is humble and deeply committed to her practice. I am a more effective leader and a better person for having worked with her.

Jack Slowriver
Board President
East Shore Unitarian Church

I think that the biggest impact on me was realizing that things that are easy and comfortable for me may not be easy for other people with a different lived experience. She also made me become aware of where power resides in a group. She has made me aware of assumptions that I may have held unknowingly. Overall, the things I learned from Pam (and Louise) made my time on the board a much richer experience.

Jerry Bushnell
Board Member
East Shore Unitarian Church

Though I still have much to learn, Pam has taught me how to better understand how to communicate effectively with those who I am in conflict with or when I sense conflict in the air in groups I am in through really noticing others more and reflecting back what they are saying and making sure the under represented are lifted up and have a voice in those same groups.

My first encounter with Pam was when I sat in on a board meeting. This was the same evening that I went to a potluck right before. I did not know at the time what her role was but now that I do, I appreciate that she was taking the time to come in and mingle with people and find out what their needs and wants were. She digs in and really gets to know us better in order to help us get to a better place despite how hard that work can be for her and for others.

Signe Rose Lalish-Menagh
Board Member at large
East Shore Unitarian Church

What I gleaned from the time together was first that we CAN make progress using some rather simple tools, and with intention.  Allowing my own vulnerability DOES allow others to embrace me, and that love in the room is ENABLING me to change and grow.  While I only have a few months to remain on the Board, this work is worthwhile for Board members, since the insights gained into creating the Beloved Community must be understood by us on the Board if we are to avoid the continued habits of the past to erode our ability to succeed with our intended mission.

Thanks for your willingness to work with us, and particularly, with me.  I appreciate you!

Board Member
East Shore Unitarian Church

Pam has the gift of modeling what she is teaching about restorative practices and non-violent communication (NVC). As a Person of Color, I have had negative experiences in the past with NVC and was concerned about bringing it to our faith community. However, due to Pam's analysis of systems of oppression and how they play out, even in one on one interactions, I have been able to witness her skill in naming these differences in power when facilitating circles and conversations where Black, Indigenous, POC are present and even when they are not. This is a skill that has helped folks with more power and who have been stuck, become more aware of how they impact others who do not have power in society. This has resulted in creating spaces for people in our community to sit and affirm each other in the fullness of who we are. I highly recommend Pam Orbach to lead workshops, facilitate conversations and model compassionate and caring communication that is rooted in love and liberation.

Aisha Hauser, MSW
Director of Lifelong Learning
East Shore Unitarian Church

Same for me. I have noticed she brings a nice calming effect, and the circles seem to be helpful for those who are growing and hoping to not be so passive aggressive, but instead learn to talk about their feelings, so that’s helpful.

Membership Development Manager
Nicole Duff
East Shore Unitarian Church

I have heard some positive comments about Pam from others who have had experience working with her.

Dianne Upton
Facilities Manager
East Shore Unitarian Church

When I called Pam to do restorative work in my church, I had no idea she would not only initiate healing and trust between people and groups in the church, but also transform my vision of what a church could be – and who I could be. With her uncanny sense of people’s underlying feelings and needs, she opened us to each other and ourselves, reflecting and clarifying the stories and strategies that keep us from seeing who we are. Pam brought the wisdom and sensitivity, and also the methodologies to build trust and community. She is holding, and teaching us to hold, restorative circles using non-violent communications and restorative practice. She revealed the sources of marginalization of those of color and other non-dominant cultural groups. She has worked directly with our teams, modeling and teaching our white racial justice cohort to see the inadvertent damage we do to our colleagues of color with our unconscious white supremacy habits. She is teaching us how to speak truth to power in clear but non-violent ways, to hold our church leadership accountable for the impact of their own practices. And Pam has developed such a deep commitment to our community that she gives of herself whole-heartedly – holding our pain and mistakes gently, and their sources with clarity. Pam is teaching courses on Restorative Justice and Non-Violent Communications, building the skills we need to become the beloved community that is our goal.

Louise Wilkinson

Two weeks ago, by some magical synchronicity, Pam was the “listener” in a one-in-one session with me for a short while. I was in a tough spot and feeling very emotional. Pam “got” what I was going through in a matter of minutes. She asked me if X was going on with me, and I said YES - How did you get that so quickly and be so right on??” Her very few, carefully chosen words are still with me. I can now call forth freedom to be my “real” self more quickly. Thank you, East Shore, for bringing Pam to our congregation!

Barb Clagett

This is brief but encapsulates my feelings about Pam’s presence at our church: excellent conversation facilitator, enabling folks gathered to share their deep and shallow thoughts while supporting the speaker. Good circle guidelines. Articulate speaker.

All of the above skills fade, when I learned the amount of her salary we contractually arranged. I was stunned to learn what her time has cost us. Sure excellence isn’t cheap, but that fee was way beyond our budget.

Den Kerlee

Pam has been an extraordinary presence of connection and compassion. She has valuable facilitation skills and effectively guides group members to become more aware of optimal communication techniques. I appreciate her deep commitment to healing relationships.

Caroline Haessly

I think that the concept of listening circles that Pam brought to East Shore has been, and will continue to be invaluable for discussing spiritual or difficult issues within the church. I love that in each circle a safe space is established so that everyone feels heard, in a fair way avoiding interruptions and antagonistic debate. This enables us to go deeper and get to the heart of the matter being discussed in a way which wasn’t possible in a regular meeting format.

I also very much appreciated participating in two series of classes on Non Violent Communications given by Pam. I learned valuable skills of empathy and how to have difficult conversations, which enable me to strengthen my relationships with people in my family, my church and in other parts of my life, and to help others do the same.

Amanda Strombom

For me, Pam is the embodiment of hope for UUism. The path she teaches, especially her skills in listening, compassion and NVC, are the way that UUs can adopt a more active faith while staying together as a community. As our relationship with Pam evolves, we can focus on expanding our circle to include diverse people who will bring their own strength to our mission and struggle to live out our meaning. Pam lives out her own faith and her spiritual practices in an integral way, and we will always be the beneficiaries of her example.

Doug Strombom

Pam has helped me learn how to be in community with others. She has taught me – explicitly and by her calm and thoughtful modeling - the importance of slowing down; slowing my speech, my thoughts and my breath. The space that is created facilitates listening, reflecting and the sharing of different perspectives.

Susan McDonald

I have appreciated Pam's benevolent, calming presence. She is kind and shares from her heart. With a soft voice she asks us to look at something in a different way, to get out of our comfort zone, to HEAR, listen, to be present. I would like her to continue, helping to guide us to be the best people we can be.

Carol Sinape

Pam style of supporting the BRJ group utilized honesty, compassion and love in her interactions. I always felt that she had the best interests of the group at heart and provided a mirror to help everyone to dig deeply inside themselves to understand what was getting in the way. I learned so much from her which enabled me to stand up for what I believed in with strength and compassion.

Rhonda Brown

Pam opened up a whole promise for conflict resolution, restorative justice and better listening skills for me and my church community. Her affirmative guidance and modeling has made me a better communicator and church member. I am in awe of her skill and how much she is fundamentally changing the way East Shore deals with conflict and how we approach problem solving.

Mary Anderson

I have really appreciated Pam's constant calls to connection and calls to notice and open space for the voices we don't always hear. I find the skills that she teaches to be useful with my East Shore relationships, but also to be useful in my professional and family life. The opportunity to practice deep listening and connection feels very spiritual and has made me feel more welcomed into and connected with the congregation.

Michelle Danley

From the community of East Shore Unitarian Church

Sisters of Mercy Leadership ILC

We have been working in partnership with Pam over the past four years to launch and sustain a Restorative Justice Initiative at our university. This collaboration has included planning for and delivering experiential trainings for faculty, staff, and students aimed at community building and peace making, supporting our work in conflict resolution, and her ongoing consultation. The work has had a major impact within our organization, and is now integrated throughout multiple levels of our community. Pam has surpassed all expectations in this highly collaborative effort. She is a strong leader, excellent communicator, and deeply compassionate person. She brings a high level of integrity and effectiveness into her work, as evidenced both in the process of planning and delivering high quality experiences for participants and that outcomes that have resulted. I recommend her highly and without reservation.

Daniel C. Rosen, Ph.D.   | pronouns: he, him, his
Chair and Associate Professor, Counseling & Health Psychology
Director, Daniel K. Church Center for Social Justice & Diversity
Bastyr University

Bastyr University: Center for Social Justice & Diversity, (https://bastyr.edu/about/centers/social-justice-diversity) supports the education and training of Bastyr community members in culturally responsive practices and dismantling of health inequities and disparities.

I am grateful that you came to East Shore and the opportunity I had to work with you and learn from you. My involvement with the Right Relations committee where you are part of has been a significant growth experience for me, to a large extent, because of your compassionate and thoughtful participation. Further, your teaching in theory and practice on compassionate communication and restorative justice at the events you facilitated and i was able to attend gave me a new perspective on communication, listening skills, and social justice. I have benefited a great deal from my interactions with you; thank you!

Jose Garcia-Pabon

Seeing how fluently Pam could zone in on the underlying needs in a situation; and noticing what needs possibly motivated reflex behavior, addressing it in a caring and non-threatening way, was inspiring.

Eleen Polson

Freedom Project engaged Pam Orbach, Empowering Connection to further and deepen the connections between our staff and the extended community, as well as internally between staff members.  How fortunate we have been to work with her dual assets of Restorative Circle work and her impressive practice of Nonviolent Communication.

Pam has amazing in-depth listening skills both with individuals and with whole groups.  Her careful design and holding of process invited our Freedom Project Community to hear one another deeply and differently, listening for intent and impact.  Central to her work is a profound expression of empathy and compassion with highest integrity. During the ten months she has circled with us, facilitated a retreat and supported our staff to develop deeper trust, connection and clarity about mission, vision and values. 

Having Empowering Connection and Pam Orbach working with your organization, board, staff or community will certainly ignite your mission too! 

KC Young, OP
Executive Director, Freedom Project

Freedom Project Seattle, (http://freedomeprojectseattle.org) is an innovative educational organization serving inmates and those recently released back into the community. Our programs focus on nonviolent communication and mindfulness.

The professional mediation work I originally sought Pam for has evolved into a process of learning new methods of communication and self-connection. I can confidently consider myself a more empathic able business partner, parent, director, collaborator, friend, neighbor, and citizen. The skills I am acquiring have, in very little time, benefited every relationship I have, and I find myself growing and experiencing the quality of connections I have always longed for. Thank you, Pam, for your passion, your expertise, your vision, and everything you do!

Jenny Mae Miller, Sewn Product Services

Pam is a master communicator, mentor, and coach. Her expert guidance turned my professional crisis into an invaluable growth opportunity. The experience has provided me with priceless tools that are no less than life-changing. I am humbled by the power and nuance of her approach. My gratitude for her and the work we do together is boundless.

Kristine Carlton, Sewn Product Services

Sewn Product Services, (http://www.sewnproductservices.com/) are product developers and production managers servicing the apparel, soft goods, and wearable technologies industries. Specializing in pattern drafting, prototyping, pre-production services, and production management, our process produces a concise capsule of deliverables for your factory production.

This training was incredibly helpful!! I learned a ton and have applied NVC thinking both to life in general and to my learning and work in racial justice (which was the lens through which this training was offered and funded).

I learned about the importance of identifying feelings and separating them from thoughts and from needs. I learned about the depth to which our feelings color our observations and got to practice truly separating my narrative from objective fact. I participated in several meditations and quiet reflection sessions which have never really done much for me before this class, but really resonated in the way they were guided here. I learned about the ultimate need for safety, how it informs our other needs and behaviors and the needs and behaviors of others, and how the need for safety can “trump” our other needs in both helpful and unhelpful ways. I learned about the intersectionality of power and privilege with this work, saw much more clearly than ever before how my daily interactions were perpetuating imbalances of power and how the perception of my actions could be totally different from my intent when a person with less power is on the receiving end. I gained an appreciation for the emotion of anger, which I have felt out of touch with and at odds with for a long time but now understand better in terms of the needs it represents. I learned about the value of exploring different strategies to meet a need. Honestly that’s probably just the tip of the iceberg, this class has been so invaluable to my life! 

Arielle Isakharo
Oregon Health and Sciences University

Pam is quite simply a masterful facilitator. Beginning with a profound sense of empathy, she is able to meet people where they are, without judgment or criticism. From this place, she creates a safe space in which people feel comfortable opening up and describing their feelings, needs, hopes, and fears. She helps people to see how their actions affect others, and she also enables people to look inside themselves and see where there is room for growth. I have rarely met someone as adept as Pam at helping youth to see the power they have to effect positive change in their relationships. 

Jordan Goldwarg
Director, Kids4Peace

Kids4Peace Seattle, (http://www.k4p.org/chapters/seattle/), founded in 2008, is a global movement of youth and families, dedicated to ending conflict and inspiring hope in divided societies around the world. Kids4Peace operates international summer camps, leadership programs and a six-year, year-round program for more than 500 Palestinian, Israeli and North American youth.

Your willingness to work with us and our students on the fundamental skills of being present with each other and of being authentic amongst each other is very appreciated. One teacher reported a noticeable shift in the student dynamics toward less tension and more cohesion. A student reported that although the work was hard and uncomfortable at times, it did make the friendships stronger and the communication better amongst the peers.

Jamie Ginter
Counselor, Big Picture School

Big Picture School, (http://www.bsd405.org/bigpicture/). The Big Picture Learning design is a dynamic approach to learning, doing, and thinking that has been changing the lives of students, educators, and entire communities since 1995. The design components are based on three foundation principles: first, learning must be based on the interests and goals of each student; second, student’s curriculum must be relevant to the people and places that exist in the real world; and finally, a student’s abilities must be authentically measured by the quality of her or his work.

You are one of the best listeners I have ever come across. I experience what it is like to be intensely heard and understood, and to know that you consider deeply what I say before responding. These are rare and powerful skills, and you are able to apply them with everyone.

You are enormously passionate and compassionate, and you communicate that clearly. People know you care about them; both how they feel and what they have to say. This gives you a lot of power, when supporting parties in conflict situations or when you advocate for the best interests of others.

You are skilled at helping people hear and understand one another. You are able to get people to listen not only to you, but also to one another, even when they are coming from very different places.

You are very persistent, but in a broad, flexible way such that you constantly strive to get more information and are open to embracing different perspectives. In other words, you don’t get stuck on an idea. When you are presented with new and different information, you absorb it and change your mind without fighting to hold on to your earlier beliefs, and you move to find the outcome that is best for everyone.

Don Miner, MSW
CASA Supervisor, King County Superior Court CASA Program

King County Superior Court CASA Program, (https://www.kingcountycasa.org/). As part of King County Superior Court, the Dependency CASA Program strives to provide high quality best interest advocacy for children who have experienced abuse or neglect and to promote the safety, permanence and well-being of children in King County.

I see Pam as someone who beautifully and powerfully combines a profound determination to contribute to others with the will power, courage, skills and knowledge necessary to do it.

François Beausoleil, MBA
Director, Executive Stamina - Canada
Certified Trainer, Center for Nonviolent Communication

Executive Stamina, Canada, (http://www.executivestamina.com/canada/). Executive Stamina helps many of the most successful leaders and athletes harness the energy of elite endurance sport to find alignment in their professional and personal lives.

We are half way through the year and suddenly within the last month-ish, so much has gelled for me. Like a fog is lifting and I have so much more clarity around all the pieces fitting together.  I have moved away from waiting for the learning to come to me and am seeking my learning from the cohort - the friends I am making in the group. I love the format of the circle, because of the slower pace, the circle's ability to bring more equity to those who want to speak, and the progressive stacking that we are experimenting with - to me these are concrete examples of how we can decenter whiteness. And the piece that has really been huge is finding the value in being in a white caucus - something that felt odd to begin with. Within that caucus I now see that I have a group of people with similar goals as me in this work and because of that I have a place where I am held in my discomfort as I make mistakes, which holds that space for my own exploration into how I can show up differently. It's powerful for me to pinpoint changes I can make myself, rather that being told what they are. And I enjoy the different dynamics, and the richness of the combination in having an empathy buddy, a couple of single people I check in with for deep exploration, the breakout rooms and the larger circles. This is where I am really sensing community and my own contribution even though I am not physically showing up for every meeting. Also! So, so much learning for me coming in from the modeling of the cohort. This is what is possible. This is how I want to show up in the world.  

Sarah Kmon, 1-yr Mentorship Program Participant

It's difficult to summarize the obstacles that prevent my family from re-connecting and communicating the considerable love and mutual responsibility we feel. But they are colossal and include false accusations, geographical separation, betrayals of trust, and a tangled knot of legal attacks that freight every gesture with potentially life-threatening consequences. Lawyers and well-meaning social workers have been unable to help us because they work for and within an adversarial justice system. We need reconciliation and a process of restorative justice, but powerful forces are arrayed to keep us from that. We asked Pamela Orbach to hold a circle of trust so that those in the family who felt capable could have something positive to join and engage. Her ability to do so amidst very real contravening forces recalls a white-water raft pilot's skill navigating a rapids. Those of us who have turned to face the circle are held in Pam's ability to maintain a safe space of nonviolence and find the dangerous journey down this unexpected torrent endurable now. We have hope. Not everyone turns to face the circle, but thanks to Pam that's a choice each of has.

A member of a family seeking restorative justice